If I Were You

Summary

This play is the story of an intruder. He breaks into a lonely house. A man named Gerrard
lives there. He is a playwright. The intruder is a criminal. He has killed a policeman and is
now on the run. This man has some physical resemblance to Gerrard. His plan is to kill
Gerrard and live there under his name. But Gerrard is smarter than the criminal. He tells the
intruder that he has also killed someone and the police are after him. He offers to take the
intruder in his car to safety. He opens a door and tells the intruder that it goes to the
garage. As soon as the intruder enters, Gerard pushes him and locks the door. In fact it is
not the way to garage but the door of a cupboard. Then he phones the police to come and
arrest the intruder.

Comprehension Question

Reference to Context

Thanks a lot. You’ll soon stop being smart. I’ll make you crawl. I want to know a few
things, see.
1. Who is the speaker? Why is he thanking the listener?
The intruder is the speaker here. He is thanking the listener, Gerrard, as the latter had
helped in while he was fumbling for a word and Gerrard had suggested the word
‘nonchalant’.

2. Why does the speaker think that the listener is trying to be smart?
The intruder feels that Gerrard is trying to be smart because instead of displaying any
signs of fear, he helps the intruder complete his sentence when the former fails to find
the right word -‘nonchalant’.

3. Why does the speaker expect the listener to soon stop being smart?
The speaker feels that Gerrard will be frightened out of his wits the moment he
discloses his intention of killing him and will then forget all the witty retorts that he had
been making till then.

4. What does the speaker mean by ‘I’ll make you crawl’?
The speaker means that he would bring the listener down on his knees and make him
beg for mercy.

I’m sorry. I thought you were telling me, not asking me. A question of inflection;
your voice is unfamiliar.
1. Who is the speaker and who does he speak to?
The speaker is Gerrard.
He is speaking to the intruder.

2. What had the listener asked the speaker?
The listener had asked the speaker if he lived in the cottage all by himself.

3. What do these lines tell us about the speaker?
These lines show that the speaker is a very cool-headed man who can think of many
ways to elude a question. His presence of mind and smartness are unparalleled.

4. What does ‘inflection’ mean here? What logic does the speaker give for misinterpreting
the inflection of his voice?
‘Inflection’ here means ‘a tone of voice’.
Gerrard says that since the intruder’s voice was unfamiliar, he couldn’t know whether he
was asking a question or telling something.

I could tell you plenty. You think you’re smart, but I’m the top of the class round
here. I’ve got brains and I use them. That’s how I’ve got where I have.
1. Who speaks these words to whom and in what context?
These words are spoken by the intruder to Gerrard.
He utters these words when Gerrard asks him to tell him something about himself.

2. Why does the speaker say “I could tell you plenty”?
The intruder says so because he is over-confident and thinks that he is smart enough to
execute his plan successfully. There is a ring of pride in his words and his ego makes
him over-estimate himself.

3. What does he mean by ‘the top of the class round here’?
The intruder means to say that no one else is as smart as he is. Gerrard, too, is no
match for him.

4. How does the speaker use his brains? Where has he got to by using his brains?
The speaker uses his brains by planning and committing crimes without getting caught
by the police.
He had now got to a point where he intends to kill Gerrard and assume his identity to
escape the law further.

Short answer type questions (to be answered in about 30–40 words each)

1. Describe Gerrard’s appearance.
Gerrard is a man of medium height and wears horn-rimmed glasses. When the play
opens, he is dressed in a lounge suit and a great coat. He talks in a cultured voice and
his demeanour is confident.

2. What did Gerrard tell the intruder about himself? Was he telling the truth? Why/Why
not?
Gerrard told the intruder that as a child, he was stolen by the gypsies and now in his
thirties he was all alone in life.
He was not telling the truth; he was just being funny as he wished to make it clear that
he was not afraid of a gun-wielding criminal.
Gerrard had already started concocting stories about himself.

3. What sort of information does the intruder want from Gerrard?
The intruder wants personal details from Gerrard such as whether in he lives alone,
what his Christian name is, whether he has a car and whether people visit him. All this
information is necessary for the execution of his plan to dodge the police by
impersonating as Gerrard.

4. What made Gerrard ask the intruder, ‘Are you an American’?
Gerrard asked the intruder if he were an American as he had called him a ‘wise guy’.
Guy is colloquial American expression for a man. Hence, the usage of this word by the
intruder made Gerrard ask him this question.

5. What sort of a person is the intruder? Give examples to illustrate.
The intruder is a dangerous person as he is carrying a pistol and claims to have killed a
cop. He is mean, heartless and crafty, for he plans to kill Gerrard and assume his
identity in order to escape the police. He is over-confident because he claims that
Gerrard is no match to him. He is also boastful, uncouth and uncultured which is
evident from his remark, “Put up your paws.”

6. Why does the intruder intend to kill Gerrard?
The intruder is a criminal who is being chased by the police for having murdered a cop.
As per his plan, the intruder intends to kill Gerrard in order to take on his identity and
avoid being caught by the police. In this way, he can lead a peaceful life without being
haunted by fear of arrest and punishment.

7. Why does the intruder not kill Gerrard immediately?
The intruder does not kill Gerrard immediately because he first wants to get all the
necessary information from him. Without this information, his plan to disguise and act
as Gerrard will not succeed.

8. Why does the intruder call himself ‘a poor hunted rat’?
The intruder describes himself as ‘a poor hunted rat’ because he is being chased by the
police and he has to keep dodging them. He has killed a cop and is trying to escape
punishment by hiding like a rat being chased by a cat.

9. Why did the intruder choose Gerrard as the man whose identity he wanted to take on?
The intruder picked Gerrard because both of them were of the same physical structure.
Moreover, as Gerrard lived alone, did not meet any people, and had irregular hours and
habits, he thought it would be easy to kill him and assume his identity, and this way
lead a life of peace. He would be beyond the reach of the law.

10. Why has the criminal been called an intruder all through the play?
An intruder is a person who forces his way in, uninvited and unwelcomed .The person
who enters Gerrard’s house is called an intruder throughout the play as after forcing his
way into Gerrard’s cottage, he is trying to grab Gerrard’s identity as well. Moreover, he
refuses to tell Gerrard anything about himself, even his name.

11. Why did very few people come to Gerrard’s house? Who were the few people who
visited him?
Gerrard lived all alone in a secluded place and his theatrical performances made his
schedule irregular. He was hardly at home, so very few people came to his house.
He was visited only by his regular suppliers like the baker, the greengrocer and the
milkman.

12. Why and how did Gerrard persuade the intruder to get into the cupboard?
Gerrard concocted a story about his own criminal background. He gave the intruder the
impression that the police were looking for him and he expected a telephone call from
a friend informing him about the arrival of the police. So when the telephone rang, he
hurried the intruder into the cupboard and told him that it was connected to the
garage where his car was parked, which would be their escape route.

13. Gerrard describes this encounter with the intruder as ‘an amusing spot of bother’?
What light does this episode throw on Gerrard?
Any other person in Gerrard’s place would have been paralysed with fear under such
circumstances. But Gerrard finds it an amusing spot of bother’ as his calm and casual
demeanor makes him handle the situation comfortably and outwit the intruder with
ease.

14. Why was Gerrard’s schedule so irregular?
Having a theatrical background, Gerrard devoted time to writing, producing and
directing the plays. He also supplied other theatrical companies with props and make- up items. Therefore, his schedule was irregular as it had to suit the requirements at the
theatres.

15. Gerrard said, ‘You have been so modest’. Was Gerrard being ironical or truthful?
Gerrard’s remark ‘you have been so modest’ was ironical. The intruder had been
boasting of his intelligence and smartness. Hence, Gerrard taunted him about his
modesty and asked him to say something about himself.

Long answer type questions (to be answered in 100-150 words)

1. Gerrard talks pleasantly with the intruder. Was he really pleased to see the criminal?
Gerrard lives alone in his house. One day an intruder enters his room. There is a
revolver in his hand and he threatens to kill Gerrard. But Gerrard does not panic. He is a
clever man. He has understood that the criminal has evil intentions. He knows that if he
fights with the intruder, he will be killed. So his best chance is to talk with the intruder
in a friendly manner. Even the intruder notes it and says that Gerrard is trying to be
calm and careless. By talking pleasantly, Gerrard makes the intruder delay his plan of
killing him. So Gerrard tells him that he is pleased to see him. We know that this is a lie.
By engaging the intruder in talks, Gerrard buys time and delay the intruder’s plan. Gerrard’s behaviour shows that he is a sensible person. He knows how to behave in a
crisis. As a result of which, he is able to outwit the intruder, lock the intruder in a
cupboard and call the police.

2. Gerrard says, “In most melodramas, the villain is foolish enough to delay his killing long
enough to be frustrated.” Does this statement hold good for the play ‘If I Were You’?
In most melodramas, the playwright wants to make the hero successful. The villain in
the play wants to kill the hero. But he is presented as someone who is foolish. He goes
on delaying the killing for one reason or the other. In the end, his plans are frustrated
and the hero is able to get the better of him. The same thing holds good of this play. In
this play, the villain is the intruder. He resembles Gerrard. So he wants to kill Gerrard
and live under his name. He has gathered a lot of information about Gerard. But he
does not know that Gerrard is a stage actor. He can act well. Gerrard pretends to be
pleased on seeing the intruder. He talks to him in a tactful way. He makes the intruder
talk about himself Thus he goes on delaying the killing. This gives Gerrard enough time
to plan to get rid of him. In the end, the intruder’s plan of killing Gerrard is frustrated
and he finds himself shut up in a cupboard and eventually in police custody.

3. Why was Gerrard packing a bag at the beginning of the play? How did it help him to
outwit and trap the intruder?
Gerrard was packing a bag in the beginning of the play as he had to deliver some
props to some theatrical company for rehearsal. When the intruder broke into his
cottage and threatened to kill him, Gerrard did not lose his cool. He spontaneously
concocted a story that he himself was a criminal and was trying to dodge the police.
This story was supported by the bag, the gun, the disguise outfit, false moustaches etc.
All this misled the intruder into believing that Gerrard was telling the truth. He was so
convinced that he got ready to escape along with Gerrard. He did not doubt him any
longer and unsuspectingly did what he was told to, eventually getting trapped. Hence,
the bag played an important role in convincing the intruder that Gerrard too was a
criminal like him and was preparing to flee when he broke into his cottage.

4. Gerrard’s intelligence, presence of mind and sense of humour helped him outwit the
intruder? Explain.
Being an intelligent person, Gerrard did not show even the slightest nervousness at the
sight of the revolver wielding criminal. He knew that his cool headedness and presence
of mind would not only help him to manage the crisis but would also contribute
towards unnerving the intruder, who too must be having some fear lurking in his mind.
Keeping the atmosphere light and lively with his sense of humour and funny remarks,
Gerrard instantly cooked up a story about his criminal background. Convincing the
intruder that the police would arrive any minute to nab them, he impressed upon the
intruder that they would have to escape immediately. Cleverly, he made him peep into
a cupboard saying that it was an escape route. The moment the intruder leaned
forward to inspect it, Gerrard pushed him into the cupboard and knocked the revolver
out of his hand. He then closed and locked the door. Thus, his intelligence, sense of
humour, and presence of mind turned the tables on the intruder.

5. Why did the intruder find Gerrard’s story of his criminal background convincing?
Far from being gullible the intruder suspected every move of Gerrard. He snubbed him
when Gerrard tried to begin a conversation regarding the intruder’s identity and curtly
told him to answer only what was asked. However, he unsuspiciously walked into
Gerrard’s trap because the latter did not lose his cool and employed his presence of
mind to cook up the story that he too was wanted by the police. Actually Gerrard
supported his claim of being a criminal by showing the intruder his bag full of disguise
outwits and false moustaches etc. The intruder did not know about the theatrical
background of Gerrard and hence found his story convincing. He believed that Gerrard
was actually trying to evade the police. Hence, the unsuspecting intruder walked into
Gerrard’s trap. This indicates that although he claimed himself to be the smartest
person around, he was in fact not very intelligent. He was outwitted by a smarter
Gerrard who foiled his evil plan.

6. The intruder’s plan was clever but not feasible. Do you agree? Give reasons in support
of your answer.
On the face of it, the intruder’s plan to kill Gerrard and assume his identity appeared to
be a very clever one. However its execution was not a feasible one. In the first place,
had Gerrard been killed, the disposal of his body would have created problems for the
intruder and there are chances that his crime would have been detected and he would
have been caught. If by chance, he could have managed to deal with this part of the
drama, suspicions would have risen in the minds of his theatrical clients on being
unable to contact Gerrard. They would have certainly sought help from the police in
this regard and eventually the intruder would have been arrested. Hence, the plan of
the intruder, however perfect according to him, was not a feasible one. Theoretically, it
appeared simple and fool-proof but it was far too complicated in reality to be carried
out flawlessly

Answers to Text book questions

Thinking about the Text

I. Answer these questions.

1. “At last a sympathetic audience.”
(i) Who says this?
The speaker of the given line is Gerrard
(ii) Why does he say it?
He says it as he is asked by the intruder to speak about himself.
(iii) Is he sarcastic or serious?
He speaks the given dialogue sarcastically.

2. Why does the intruder choose Gerrard as the man whose identity he wants to take on?
Gerrard looks much like the intruder. The intruder is a murderer. The police are after
him. He hopes he can easily impersonate Gerrard and escape being caught.

3. “I said it with bullets.”
(i) Who says this?
Gerrard says this.
(ii) What does it mean?
When things had gone wrong, the intruder had used his gun to shoot someone in
order to escape.
(iii) Is it the truth? What is the speaker’s reason for saying this?
No, it is not the truth. The speaker says this to save himself from getting shot by the
intruder.

4. What is Gerrard’s profession? Quote the parts of the play that support your answer.
Gerrard is a playwright by profession. Several parts of the play that reflect this.
Some of these are:
o “This is all very melodramatic, not very original, perhaps, but...”
o “At last a sympathetic audience!”
o “In most melodramas the villain is foolish enough to delay his killing long enough
to be frustrated”.
o “I said you were luckier than most melodramatic villains.”
o “That’s a disguise outfit; false moustaches and what not”.
o “Sorry I can’t let you have the props in time for rehearsal; I’ve had a spot of bother – quite amusing. I think I’ll put it in my next play.”

5. “You’ll soon stop being smart.”
(i) Who says this?
The intruder says the line.
(ii) Why does the speaker say it?
The speaker says it to frighten Gerrard.
(iii) What according to the speaker will stop Gerrard from being smart?
According to the intruder, Gerrard would stop being smart once he knew what was
going to happen to him. The intruder’s plan was to kill Gerard and take over his
identity. He felt that when Gerrard would know this, he would stop being smart and
start getting scared.

6. “They can’t hang me twice.”
(i) Who says this?
The intruder says the line.
(ii) Why does the speaker say it?
The intruder had been telling Gerrard that he had murdered a man, and that he
would not shy away from murdering him too. This is because the police could not
hang him twice for two murders.

7. “A mystery I propose to explain.” What is the mystery the speaker proposes to explain?
Gerrard, the speaker, proposes to explain the mystery about his queer life in which he
has an irregular routine, refuses to see tradesmen, goes away and comes back to the
house hurriedly. The story was that Gerrard himself was a criminal like the intruder. He
asked the intruder why else would he not meet any tradespeople and be a bit of a
mystery man here today and gone tomorrow. He told the intruder that his game was
up as things had suddenly gone wrong for him. He had committed a murder and got
away. Unfortunately, one of his men had been arrested and certain things were found,
which should have been burnt. He said that he was expecting some trouble that night
and therefore, his bag was packed and he was ready to escape.

8. “This is your big surprise.”
(i) Where has this been said in the play?
This has been said twice in the play. On the first occasion, it is spoken by the intruder
while revealing his plan to kill Gerrard. Secondly, it is spoken by Gerrard before he
reveals his fictitious identity to the intruder.
(ii) What is the surprise?
The intruder's surprise is his plan to kill Gerrard and take on his identity to lead a
secure and hassle-free life. Whereas, Gerrard's surprise is his fictitious identity, his
way of preventing the intruder from killing him.

PRACTICE QUESTIONS

Q 1 Read the given extract and answer the questions that follow.

(a) That’s a lie. You’re not dealing with a fool. I’m as smart as you and smarter, and I know

you run a car. Better be careful, wise guy!

i. Who is the speaker? Which ‘lie’ is he talking about?

The intruder is the speaker here.

He is talking about the ‘lie’ that Gerrard told him about not running a car.

ii. Why did the speaker think he was smarter than the listener?

The intruder considered himself smarter because he thought that he had made a

very clever plan to kill Gerrard and impersonate him to elude the police. Apart

from it, he had gathered all information about Gerrard before coming to his

cottage.

iii. Why did he warn the listener to be careful?

The intruder wanted to make it clear that Gerrard could not befool him by telling

a lie because the intruder had already gathered information about him. So, he

told Gerrard to be careful.

iv. Give the antonym of ‘lie’

truth

(b) I’m glad you’re pleased to see me. I don’t think you’ll be pleased for long. Put those

paws up! Who is speaking these lines and to whom?

i. Where is the conversation taking place?

The intruder is speaking to Gerrard. The conversation is taking place in Gerrard’s

lonely cottage situated in the wilds of Essex.

ii. Why is the speaker’ so sure that ‘his listener’ won’t be pleased for long?

The speaker is sure that his listener’s (Gerrard’s) pleasure is going to disappear

into thin air the moment he hears about the speaker’s wicked plan to kill and

later on impersonate him to dodge the law.

iii. Why is the speaker asking the listener ‘to put those paws up’?

The intruder asks Gerrard to put his ‘paws up’ to threaten and intimidate him. He

wants to ensure that Gerrard is not able to use his hands for self- defence.

iv. What does ‘paws’ mean here?

‘Paws’ here stands for ‘hands’.

(c) I’m not taking it for fun. I’ve been hunted long enough. I’m wanted for murder already,

and they can’t hang me twice.

i. Who is the speaker? What is ‘it’ that he claims he is not taking for fun?

The speaker is the intruder.

‘It’ is the grave step to kill Gerrard that the intruder claims not to be taking for

fun. It is his dire need to avoid being chased by the police.

ii. Why has the speaker been hunted long enough?

The speaker has been hunted long enough because he had killed a cop when

something went wrong with the job that he did in the town. It has been quite a

while since then and he is still dodging the police.

iii. What light do these lines reflect on the speaker’s state of mind?

The lines reveal that the intruder does not have any conscience to prick him. He

weighs the crime done by him not by its wickedness but by the punishment that

he will be awarded by the court of justice.

iv Explain: ‘they can’t hang me twice.’

The intruder has already murdered a cop for which he is sure to get death

sentence. Now, if he commits another murder, he will not be sentenced because

a person can be put to death only once.

(d) This is your big surprise. I said you wouldn’t kill me and I was right. Why do you think I

am here today and gone tomorrow, never see tradespeople?

i. Who speaks these lines and to whom?

Gerrard speaks these lines to the intruder.

ii. What was the big surprise given by the speaker?

Gerrard told that he too lived under the threat of being arrested as he too was

involved in crime. The intruder was naturally surprised at this revelation since he

was unaware about this aspect of his victim.

iii. What impression did the speaker wish to give the listener by claiming to have an

irregular schedule?

The speaker wished that the listener would believe that his irregular schedule

was a deliberate move to dodge the police so that he could evade arrest for the

crimes that he claimed to have committed.

iv. Give the synonym of ‘tradespeople’.

vendors/sellers

Q 2 Answer each of the following questions in 30-40 words.

(a) Why did the intruder break into Gerrard’s house?

The intruder, who broke into Gerrard’s house, was a criminal. He had murdered a

cop and was being chased by the police. He intruded into Gerrard’s house with

the intention to murder him and impersonate his identity to evade the police.

(b) How did Gerrard behave on seeing a gun-wielding stranger in his cottage?

Gerrard kept his cool and remained absolutely unruffled when he saw the gun- wielding stranger in his cottage. There was neither any panic nor any ring of

tension in his voice. He remained his normal self and talked to him casually. He

remained so calm and nonchalant that the intruder was irritated. His sense of

humour also enraged the intruder.

(c) Where did Gerrard live? Why was it a suitable place for the intruder’s plan?

Gerrard lived in a lonely cottage in a secluded place in the wilds of Essex. With

hardly any one around, it was easy for one to commit a crime without being

detected. In addition, the place was visited by only a few people. Therefore, it

was suitable for the intruder to carry out his plan successfully.

(d) I think I’ll put it in my next play.’ What does Gerrard intend to put in his next play?

Being a man of the theatre, Gerrard is amused at being able to turn the tables on

the intruder. He finds the episode of outwitting a criminal so interesting that he

proposes to use it as a plot for his next play.

Q 3 Answer each of the following questions in 100-150 words.

(a) The intruder threatens Gerrard, “I’ll make you crawl” Was he able to carry out his

threat? What happened to him?

An intruder with a revolver forcibly enters Gerrard’s house. His intentions are

evil. He threatens to kill Gerard. But Gerrard talks pleasantly to him. The intruder

is surprised. He thinks that Gerrard is playing a trick. He tells him to stop playing

smart. He boasts that he is intelligent. He threatens Gerard, “I’ll make you

crawl.” But the subsequent happening shows that the intruder is a foolish

person. Instead of making Gerard crawl, he finds himself shut in a cupboard in

the end. The intruder wanted to know more about Gerrard. But Gerrard makes

him talk about himself. He discloses that he is a jewel thief. He has murdered a

policeman. Now he is running from the police. He resembles Gerrard. His plan is

to kill Gerrard and live in his house under his name. Gerrard guesses rightly that

the intruder is not intelligent. He plays a clever game and shuts him in a

cupboard. Then he calls the police. Thus the false claim of the intruder is proved

wrong.

(b) The best way to deal with a crisis is not to lose your calm. Discuss this statement with

reference to the behaviour of Gerrard in the play.

A cool person is more successful than a person who loses his temper or acts

rashly. In this play, Gerrard saves his life by acting calmly. Moreover, he is able to

catch the murderer also. It would not be possible if he had lost his calm. An

ordinary person would have been terrified on seeing an intruder with a gun in

his hand foolishly. The person fears that he may not harm him. So, generally, in

such cases, the criminal kills his victim. But Gerrard does not lose his calmness

and patience. He poses that he is pleased to see the intruder. He talks to him in a

friendly manner. He makes the criminal talk about himself. This gives Gerrard

enough time to plan his line of action. Thus Gerrard was not frightened to see

the intruder: This calmness saved his life.